Have you considered your 2026 healing goals yet? Just as we set professional, health, spiritual, and other goals, I believe establishing your 2026 healing goals is equally important. If I were to ask why you read this blog, go to meetings, read healing materials, see a therapist, or engage in any other healing activity. I’m sure your answer would involve something relating to healing from the betrayals you’ve experienced from a sex addict or understanding sex addiction. However, setting actual healing goals can help you experience life-changing benefits beyond healing from the pain of another’s sex addiction.
I often look around the room at support group meetings and ask myself, “Do these people come to meetings out of routine, or are they trying to accomplish something?” There’s no judgment either way. I can tell which ones are serious about their healing and which ones are attending support group meetings because it’s part of their weekly routine. Some people come to kill time while they wait for their sex addict to obtain substantial sobriety, so they no longer feel obligated to continue working on their healing practices. Initially, attending support group meetings because it’s the thing to do is okay, but there comes a time when you realize you can gain more beyond decreasing your pain. You begin to discover you have choices when it comes to figuring out what else you can gain from betrayal trauma healing.
I do think it’s helpful that certain support groups read a mission statement at each meeting, reminding everyone of the problem and the suggested actions to address it. For me, this has helped me remember why I make the effort to attend meetings and participate in other healing activities. It’s like deciding you are going to lose weight but never getting on the scale. How can someone make adjustments if they don’t know if they are making any progress? I often check in with myself to ensure my participation in healing activities aligns with my healing goals, rather than doing something without thought because it’s part of a routine.
I did “go through the emotions” at the beginning of my healing journey because I was a victim of my husband’s betrayals. I wasn’t sure how the suggested healing efforts could help me, but I wasn’t sure what else I should be doing. Somewhere in the process, I went from doing things because it was highly suggested to doing things because I wanted to survive what I was going through. Thankfully, I began to see value in the efforts I was making.
For me, survival meant researching which resources could help me achieve my healing goals. Ironically, many of the things I was doing were already aligned with my goals, but my mindset was different. I no longer participated in healing activities, feeling like I had to, and started telling myself, I want to and I desire this. At some point, I got a little angry and decided being a survivor was better than being a victim, but being a “thriver” was even more appealing. The best part was that I could achieve this regardless of what my husband chose to do about his addiction.
I see people who are knee-deep in their healing activities who quickly end them because their partner proclaims he is cured and will not act out again, or the relationship ends. This usually tells me the betrayed partner wasn’t serious about their healing; they were just going through the motions in hopes their addict would start behaving, rather than truly healing from betrayal trauma for their own benefit. It’s like the betrayed partner has a deep wound that needs surgery, but they opt for a Band-Aid. People don’t realize that betrayal trauma healing can be life-changing if you commit to it.
Luckily, my therapist will touchbase with me at least once a year to make sure we are on the same page regarding what I’m trying to accomplish with her guidance. I appreciate this because I am a very loyal person who likes routines, but I don’t always take the time to consider if the routines are still beneficial or not. However, when it comes to my healing, I ask myself if I am loyal to a routine or if I am trying to accomplish something. I must be clear about my goals and be willing to make necessary adjustments. Yes, I can see my therapist every other week, but I need to know why I’m going to see her.
My healing goals have changed over the years. Today, I’m not trying to heal from pain, understand sex addiction, or figure out why I didn’t listen to my intuition. Today, my therapist helps me continue to trust myself and God with the future, communicate more healthily with my husband, and live in the reality of the past while trying to stay in the present. I see it as the “maintenance” stage of my journey. When someone loses a significant amount of weight, they try to maintain the results they achieved, which is exactly what I’m trying to do.
I often check in with myself to ensure my participation in all my healing activities aligns with my healing goals, whether it’s the books I read, the podcasts I listen to, or the workshops I attend. There are no guarantees my husband will never “act out” again, but I can continue to work on myself, knowing if betrayal occurs, I will be okay; I don’t have to be fearful or reactive like I was in the past. I also know enough about codependency now to notice if I am leaning in that direction with any friendship or relationship and quickly snap out of it.
So, before you consider what your 2026 healing goals will be, consider asking yourself the following questions:
- Why do you participate in your current healing activities?
- Are you committed to your current activities?
- Is there something you would like to see change in your healing process, and if so, what will it take to see improvements?
- Are your efforts driven by “I should” or “I want to. I desire.”?
- If things are going well for you, how do you plan on maintaining your progress?
This year, I want to read more healing books out of curiosity; I’m intrigued by the variety of approaches, philosophies, or practices available for those healing from betrayal trauma. Familiarizing myself with different support is also important to me. I’m aware of many support groups, but new ones have formed in recent years, which is great because different groups work for different people. There is something powerful when those seeking healing have choices; the more the better.
Please let me encourage you to set healing goals for 2026. I’m sharing a list of my past goals with you in the hope of getting your juices going, not because I think my past goals should be your present ones – you do you!
- Connect with someone who is also healing outside of a support group setting.
- Focus on self-care.
- Journal
- Meditate
- Practice Gratitude
- Be gentle with myself.
- Do more of what I enjoy.
- Focus less on my husband’s recovery.
- Practice being less fearful about the future.
- Practice being less reactive.
- Complete certain S-ANON steps.
- Listen to certain podcasts.
- Increase my involvement in support groups. (i.e., help set up/take down the meeting room, engage with others after the meeting instead of bolting out of the door, increase my frequency of volunteering to facilitate a meeting, or other needed tasks)
- Lean more on my faith.
- Practice healthier communication with my husband.
If you’ve been on this journey for a while, you may want to consider how you can support someone else who could use your wisdom. However, it doesn’t hurt to take a few minutes to reflect on where you are today. I know people who have been at this much longer than I; they may not see a therapist as much as before, read as many books, or attend as many meetings, if any, but that doesn’t mean they don’t live in awareness of their journey or still practice some healing activities to maintain what they gained.
Your goals aren’t dependent on a recovering sex addict or new partner; your goals are about where you would like to be and how you plan to get there or maintain what you’ve gained from your betrayal trauma healing efforts thus far. Most importantly, your healing is important regardless of the length of time you’ve been on your journey. Someone once said, “A goal without a plan is just a wish.” You must create a plan you can commit to if you want to get the most out of your betrayal trauma healing; wishes won’t do the trick.
