Tool of the Month:  Dance Aerobics

This month’s Tool of the Month is Dance Aerobics.  Before you roll your eyes or ask, seriously?  Please hang in there with me before you conclude this blog entry is ridiculous.  So many practical things can help someone heal from betrayal trauma.  I write about tools I’ve used or am currently using because of their effectiveness in my journey.  So please keep an open mind while reading this blog entry.

Dance aerobics is just what it sounds like; it’s dance-inspired movements set to eclectic music such as Disco, Big Band, Pop, Country, or many other genres in a group exercising setting.  Instructors verbally give cues and demonstrate the movements.    Like most aerobic classes, Dance Aerobics begins with a warm-up.  Then, it gradually builds up to more intense exercises utilizing full-body, rhythmic, and large muscle movements, elevating one’s heart rate to a target zone for cardiovascular benefits.  Finally, the classes end with a cool down and stretch.  Dance Aerobics incorporates dance movements such as boxing, line-dancing, belly dancing, and my favorites: ZUMBA® and Hip Hop.

Before receiving my disclosure, I enjoyed attending ZUMBA® and Hip Hop classes for years.   These classes were always my “fun cardio,” but my enthusiasm quickly dwindled when all hell broke loose in my life.  I didn’t feel like dancing or believed these classes would bring me the same joy I had previously experienced.  However, it didn’t take me long to realize I missed attending ZUMBA® and Hip Hop classes.  So, I thought, if there was even a slight chance of me experiencing pleasure from Dance Aerobics again, returning to classes is worth the effort.  I wasn’t even considering the physical benefits of attending ZUMBA® or Hip Hop; I just wanted more joy.

Fortunately, returning to ZUMBA® and Hip Hop classes gave me the joy I sought while I healed from the emotional pain I was experiencing.  I could temporarily leave my distress, fears, and anxiety outside the classroom.  Furthermore, being in a class setting where I could interact with others by commenting about the routines or chatting before and after class was refreshing; it helped me feel normal.  I didn’t feel like I had an “I’ve Been Betrayed” sticker on my forehead.  Others didn’t know what I was going through, nor did they care.  

The most challenging part of participating in Dance Aerobics was a few of the songs had suggestive lyrics relating to hook-ups, sex, infidelity, strip clubs, or women’s bodies.  Ironically, I didn’t even notice the songs before receiving the disclosure.  Still, after I learned about my husband’s betrayals, I was more aware of anything with a sexual nature, like song lyrics.  So I decided to pay attention to the beat of the music and the instructor’s directions because I couldn’t afford to let the lyrics distract me.  

Dance Aerobics became a necessity for my journey.  I laughed and smiled in the classes; I wasn’t doing much of either at home – I felt alive!  These classes were my “joy” appointments.  ZUMBA® and Hip Hop weren’t the magical answers to the pain I was experiencing, but they gave me an outlet to release mentally.

I also liked moving my body in a sexy manner.  That may throw some people off, but please hear me out. I am not a skinny woman; what little sexual confidence I had before the disclosure quickly disappeared. However, these classes required me to move my hips, wave my hands and shake my bottom in a way that reminded me I was a woman who could still move in a sexy manner.  I didn’t need a recovering sex addict to validate me or my body to feel good about myself, which I think is incredibly sexy.   For me, sexy is self-confidence which I believe is a good thing, not a dirty word.

There are physical benefits to Dance Aerobics that are particularly beneficial for betrayed trauma victims. Dance Blogger Margaret Stahl states, “When you dance, your body releases endorphins and oxytocin. These have the same effects on the body as laughter, in that they help to create a positive mood and decrease stress,” She further stated,” Trauma can become stored deeply in the body and be difficult to process and discuss.  Yet, through dance, you can access these emotions, communicate them nonverbally and learn how to overcome them.  It is a fantastic tool for developing and maintaining good mental health.”

Benefits of Dance Aerobics that are particularly beneficial for betrayal trauma victims:

• Endorphin release
• Improvements to mood
• Improvements to mental ability (anxiety, stress management, and depression)
• Better coordination, agility, and flexibility
• Improved balance and spatial awareness
• Increased physical confidence
• Improved mental functioning
• Improved well being
• Self-confidence
• Self-esteem
• Social skills

Julia Franks recently contributed a recent blog article on The Trauma Practice webpage, further explaining the benefit of dance for trauma victims, “Dancing aids trauma release by eliciting emotions which can be discharged and expressed through movement.” She explains, “In order to reorganize and integrate traumatic experience, we need to build capacity to tolerate what was intolerable in the past.  Dance offers an effective resource in this capacity-building by expanding our physical awareness so that the embodied charge has a greater spread over the body and the Trauma is thereby easier to bear and contain.”

Some of you may not be comfortable attending a Dance Aerobics class in a room with strangers, or you may think of yourself as uncoordinated, causing you to feel self-conscious.  I get this but consider how challenging your healing journey is.  Isn’t this journey more difficult than attending a Dance Aerobics class that will benefit you?  I used to tell myself; If I can go through the hell I’m going through, I can do a Dance Aerobics class.  I didn’t care what anyone thought of my movements or body because I was there for myself and no one else.  As a result, I felt more comfortable with my body, which improved my self-esteem.

However, one can always find a class online to enjoy at their home.  Hopefully, the comfort level will improve, allowing one to experience the social benefits of taking Dance Aerobics in person.

You may be reading this and asking, Do I have to participate in Dance Aerobics to heal from betrayal trauma?  What about other cardio activities?  The short answer is, of course not; you have many choices regarding physical activity to help you on your healing journey.  However, in my experience, ZUMBA® and Hip Hop were the classes that gave me a sense of freedom to express myself in a way I couldn’t in the weightlifting, cycling, and cardio-circuit classes I attended.  Line Dancing, Kickboxing, Belly Dancing, Tap Dancing, or Swimming might do the job for you.

Swimming is a close second to Dance Aerobics for me.  I’m a horrible swimmer, but the motion used in swimming gives me a similar release without the music, instructor, or any other class participants.  If you are currently very active, perhaps, consider adding a dance activity to your routine.

Whatever physical activity you choose or currently do will benefit your healing journey; please choose something that puts a smile on your face.  If you are early in your healing process, you may have to “fake it till you make it.”  If you don’t feel like moving your body, do it anyway, even if you move just a little.  Let me encourage you to regularly make an appointment with yourself to do something physical that makes you feel better, allowing you to forget about your troubles momentarily.  Your commitment to moving your body is as crucial as your therapy, support group, or physician appointment.  

Attending Dance Aerobics isn’t about getting skinnier or sexier to prevent the sex addict from acting out. Participating in Dance Aerobics is about doing something that can help your healing process.  Dance Aerobics help men, too, because they deal with the same insecurities as female partners of sex addicts.  It wasn’t uncommon to see men in the Dance Aerobic classes or the support groups I attended.

ZUMBA® and Hip Hop were the few helpful activities thatI truly enjoyed.  Let’s face it, reading healing materials, attending support group meetings, or seeing a therapist isn’t always “enjoyable.”  You don’t always leave these activities feeling joyful, relieved, or lighter despite their importance to our healing process.  I never went to ZUMBA® or Hip Hop, dreading the possibility of leaving class in tears, depressed, angry, or frustrated as I did with the other healing activities.  Instead, I always went to my Dance Aerobics classes, knowing I would smile, laugh, and feel better, which I needed.  Today, I regularly attend ZUMBA® and Hip Hop for fun and cardiovascular benefits versus a need.

If you still don’t want to participate in a Dance Aerobics class in person or online, maybe consider just dancing at home to the music of your liking.  You will feel better.  This tool is for you and your healing process, so make it work for you and your lifestyle.  If it makes you smile, it’s worth the while!