I chose Restorative yoga as the tool I want to highlight this month. Restorative yoga has been a great tool for my healing journey. Restorative yoga is defined as “a practice of postures, each held for longer than in conventional yoga or exercise classes, often with the support of props such as folded blankets, bolsters, or pillows to relax the body, reduce stress, and often to prepare for concentration, imagination, and breathing (known as pranayama).” One doesn’t have to be particularly flexible or a seasoned “yogi” to enjoy the benefits of Restorative yoga. I have done Restorative yoga with my children, spouse, and mother.
I tried yoga on and off for several years, constantly telling myself how horrible I was at it. I was the student the instructor always came up to adjust to help me do the pose correctly. I have never been very flexible, and I developed arthritis in my knees, so yoga has always been challenging. You could always find me at the back of the class so I wouldn’t be noticeable, and I could look at the other students who knew what they were doing. Finally, a couple of years went by when I stopped practicing yoga as a way to accept yoga wasn’t for me, or at least that’s what I told myself.
However, three years into my healing process, I decided I needed to incorporate something else to help me relax, stay present and focus on my breathing. I was already practicing meditation, but yoga was a way to move my body while focusing on my breathing; this was a benefit I wasn’t getting at the time. Furthermore, I knew yoga would give me the relaxation benefits I wanted. A new studio near me had just opened with a great introductory offer, and I figured, why not! I first heard of Restorative yoga when I looked at the studio’s different classes. I had never taken anything besides Hatha yoga or flow classes. However, I knew the Restorative yoga class was slower without crazy pretzel poses, so I figured it couldn’t be that physically challenging.
I fell in love with the class the first time I took it, and I have used Restorative yoga throughout my healing journey ever since, except now it’s also a class I enjoy. There is something about resting my body on the bolsters or wrapping my body in the blankets that is comforting. Furthermore, holding the poses for a more extended period helps me stay focused on how my body feels. Restorative yoga is the opposite of a “flow” or constant movement class. Restorative yoga is what I needed at the time; I needed to practice taking things slow and being in the present.
It didn’t take long for me to realize this class was helping because I could pay attention to my body and give it what it needed to feel comfortable without judging myself. The instructors encouraged using props, so I grabbed every prop available to increase my comfort while doing the poses. I looked to the instructor to follow her lead and no one else. After a few classes, I stopped going directly to the back of the class; I just chose an available spot without even thinking about it.
Restorative yoga became more than just a healing tool. Over time, I learned valuable lessons, such as not always needing to “push or force myself” to reach a healthy outcome in my healing process or life in general. Sometimes, the best way to take care of myself is to do it gently. There is a time to push and a time to slow things down. I had to discern when which one was appropriate for me. So, I continued to do other physical activities such as walking, spin classes, and Zumba/Hip Hop classes, but I balanced my regimen with yoga. I needed Restorative yoga for my mind, body, spirit, and soul just as much as my heart needed the cardio activities I was doing.
Restorative yoga became my one-hour getaway from everything. I permitted myself to enjoy Restorative yoga as a self-care tool not because I was married to a recovering sex addict, not because I was recovering from betrayal trauma, but because I knew this was a form of self-care. It was okay for me to do something because I found it enjoyable it didn’t have to offer any other benefits besides that. Although, that’s not what initially drew me to Restorative yoga.
I quickly realized I could restore myself after a stressful day, a conflict with the kids, traffic, exhaustion, a trigger episode, etc. Some instructors enhanced the class with candles, soft music, incense, or essential oils. I found the Restorative Yoga classes more relaxing at night because there was less time left in the day to deal with potential challenges from the time class ended and the time I went to bed versus during the day. However, I would try to carry that relaxation feeling with me if I took the class earlier in the day, but it was more challenging for me. So I would tell myself, I am giving myself this hour because this is enjoyable, and the benefits are priceless.
I found other yoga classes helpful: Christian, Trauma-Sensitive, Yin, Gentle, Slow Flow, Stretch/Strength, and Hatha yoga classes (descriptions of my favorites are below). None of these may be for you and if the idea of going to a class doesn’t appeal to you, try one online. I did a few on YouTube at the height of the pandemic, which was nice because they were free. The other benefit to practicing Restorative yoga at home is creating the environment you want. However, if a studio in your area offers online classes, consider trying them at home before committing to a studio.
Please let me encourage you to try any of the other classes mentioned above, especially if you are beginning your healing. I wish I had discovered Restorative yoga earlier in my healing; I believe it would have benefitted me even more. Having a designated time to focus on my breathing and body and not the emotional turmoil I was experiencing would have been beneficial, especially regarding triggers. Knowing I could stop ruminating for at least an hour while I moved my body slowly and focused on my breath in a room with calming scents, cuddled in blankets, would have been a great comfort to me.
However, you don’t have to be in a relationship with a sex addict or recovering from the impacts of being in a relationship with a sex addict to permit yourself to practice Self-care. You might even be several years or decades removed from the initial emotional trauma of someone else’s betrayal. You use tools in the healing process that you let go of when you no longer need them, and there are those you realize you enjoy and want to incorporate into your life regardless of your healing status. Restorative yoga was one of those tools for me.
Restorative yoga benefits, supported by science:
- Relaxes your mind and body. Yoga is linked to reduced stress and anxiety, and lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.
- Soothes the nervous system. Restorative yoga helps shift the balance from your fight-or-flight response (sympathetic nervous system) to your relaxation response, or the parasympathetic nervous system.
- Enhances your mood. Yoga promotes relaxation and deep breathing, which, may reduce depressive symptoms.
- Improves sleep. Adding yoga to your daily routine may help boost the quality of your sleep.
- Improves well-being. In addition to lower levels of stress, doing yoga regularly may result in less fatigue, more vigor, and improved well-being.
- Gentle on your body. Restorative yoga is generally safe and often recommended for people with acute or chronic injuries.
- Safe to perform during pregnancy. Restorative yoga is easy to modify and safe to practice during pregnancy. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists ranks prenatal yoga as one of the safest ways to exercise during pregnancy.
Descriptions of my favorite yoga classes that you might also find beneficial and why I like them.
Gentle yoga: A slower-paced style of yoga practice performed with less intense positions, while incorporating extended time for meditation, yogic breath work, and relaxation. Modifications are done to help people of all fitness levels enjoy the benefits of yoga without putting themselves at risk for injuries.
There is a stronger emphasis on stretching, seated poses and low-impact movements in these classes.
The name speaks for itself. I like this class because I go to the class knowing I don’t have to push myself. I enjoy the slower pace of the class.
Trauma-Sensitive yoga: A trauma-based approach to yoga makes the practice safer and more accessible, addressing the unique needs of trauma survivors, which may offer strategies for self-regulation strategies to:
- increase body awareness in a safe and controlled way, which can promote feelings of physical, emotional, and psychological safety
- address feelings of disconnection from the body or surroundings, which are common after experiencing trauma
Part of the certification to be an instructor for this class is a general understanding of how trauma impacts the body. I like the fact that the instructor possesses this knowledge in addition to knowing how different poses can hurt or help the body of someone who is experiencing trauma or has experienced trauma.
Christian yoga: A practice that combines yoga poses with meditation and breathing exercises with Christianity.
Christian yoga helps me meditate on the bible and pray during the class.
Yin yoga: Students hold poses for 3-5 minutes to access deep layers of muscle and achieve deep physical release. Some find the length of time spent in a posture mentally challenging, contributing to improved focus and concentration.
Not only is this class slower, but most of the class takes place on the floor. If you don’t like to hold your poses for a long time, this class is not for you. This class encourages students to go deeper into the poses to a specific limit. I see it as a metaphor for my life, I can stretch myself by going deeper, but I must be aware enough to recognize my limitations and accept them without judgment.
Slow Flow yoga: Participants move from one pose to another using their breath. Students hold poses longer than one breath.
I like doing a flow at a slower pace and repeating the sequences because it’s easier to memorize them. So if I want a little more out of yoga, I do Slow Flow yoga.
I hope you will try at least one yoga class geared to help you relax, whether you choose one of the ones I mentioned or another yoga class (there are others). I would love for you to find a class style that meets your needs. I always encourage readers to be “open-minded” and get curious before rejecting one of my healing tool suggestions. You may find this tool helpful, but it’s just a suggestion, not a commitment? If you’ve been doing yoga for years, you may want to try a class you haven’t tried before. Consider adding one of the classes I mentioned to your yoga regimen.
Please continue to seek healing tools that you like and take care of yourself; waiting till there is less emotional pain in your life is too long, and these tool suggestions can help get you where you want to be.
#BetrayedNotBroken